I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
