I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
