remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
