Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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