when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
