god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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