Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Can I color on your dick again?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
