Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My breasts were aching with rage.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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