I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My feet surprised me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
