the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
