i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
