Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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