so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
