haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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