im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
