No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
