Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
