for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
