i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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