I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
