I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
