Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
