i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
