u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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