Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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