I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
