Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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