I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
