Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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