She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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