Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
