I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
