She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
