Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
