My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
