don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
