Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
