I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
