So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
