I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
