those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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