I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
