Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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