it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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