This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
