I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
