Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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