Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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