Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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