Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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