I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
