God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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