is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
