a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I cut my penus on the lid.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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