The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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